For the last two days I have been working on preparing our flowerbeds for planting this fall. Unfortunately, several years of neglect not only show, but make the work pretty difficult.

I have relearned several valuable lessons the last two days. They are as follows:

1. The proper tools make all the difference. I have been working the last two days with only a regular round-point shovel and a cultivator (forked hoe thingy). While they probably weren’t the best tools, for sodbusting they worked fine. However, when I began trying to dig up the godforsaken monkey grass, I realized the limitation of my current arsenal of tools. I lack, what we call around here, a sharpshooter or what I believe would be called anywhere else a trenching spade. The blade of an ordinary shovel is just too shallow and wide in this instance. After about 45 minutes of work all I ended up with was a handful of monkey grass removed and a hole roughly equivalent in size to the portion of skin that was now missing from my hands .

2. Whoever invented St. Augustine grass should be punched in the genitals. I realize this might mean that I just said God should be punched in the genitals, but….seriously, dude, what the fuck? It’s just invasive enough to be a total pain in my ass in trying to keep it out of flowerbeds, but there are still huge holes in the actual lawn…ya know, where grass is not only tolerated but encouraged.

3. I have serious issues with grass. St Augustine, monkey grass, patooey. But I also hate pampas grass, it’s ugly and stupid and is entirely overused here. Grass can go to hell.

4. That 2pm probably isn’t the best time to decide to do manual labor in June in Louisiana. Especially if the last manual labor you did involved building a fort. Someone seriously needs to invent air conditioning for outside. And gardening robots.

To summarize: Use the proper tools, grass can go fuck itself, some planning might beneficial.

All of this equals me having to put off anymore work until I acquire a sharpshooter or at least until my back stops trying to form itself into a single rigid mass in protest.

I leave you with pictures of our sad, pathetic yard in hopes that I can share pictures of our no-longer-sad-and-pathetic-yard soon.

Rosemary Bread

2 tablespoon yeast
2 tablespoon sugar
2 cup warm water
5 cups flour
2 teaspoon salt
about 2 tablespoons dried rosemary
2 tablespoons butter

Bring water to a boil. Using a coffee filter as a tea bag, steep rosemary in water. Allow to cool to lukewarm, approx. 90-100°.*

Place yeast, sugar, and water in a large bowl or food processor. Allow to become bubbly. Mix in butter, salt, and 4 cups of flours. Add in approx, 1 Tbs of contents of teabag (more or less to taste).

Knead until smooth and elastic, about 10 minutes by hand, adding more flour as necessary.

Oil a large bowl, place dough in bowl, turning once to coat well. Cover loosely with oiled plastic wrap and a towel. Let rise until double, about an hour.

Punch down dough and divide into quarters. Let rest 5 minutes.

Lightly oil/grease a cookie sheet (or pan of your choice). Shape dough into round loaves and lightly rub the remaining rosemary over the tops of the loaves.

Let rise again until double, about 45 minutes, again covering with plastic wrap and towel. Preheat over to 375°.

Bake 15-20 minutes until lightly brown.

Remove from oven, brushing with butter if desired. Enjoy.

*Honestly, I just test it with my hand.

I had been formulating a post about my feelings on all the Democratic candidacy hoopla, but alphabitch over at f*cking c*nts summed up my feelings pretty well.

Y’know, I was going to write another post about Hillary Clinton … but I’m so fucking sick of her, I don’t have anything reasonable or intelligent to say on the matter. The only way she could count herself ahead in the Democratic race at the end was to claim votes she “won” in a state where her only remaining rival wasn’t on the fucking ballot. Fuck her. Her candidacy has done more to jeopardize the Democrats’ chance at the White House than everything and everyone else put together … and anyone who’s willing to destroy the entire team’s chance at a win in their own fucking megalomaniacal quest for personal glory ought to be kicked off the team and banned from the sport forever.

I have never been so disappointed by two candidates as I have been by both McCain and Clinton. Four years ago, if you had asked me to choose between these two politicians in a general election, I honestly have no clue for whom I would have ended up voting. Now? I don’t think I could bring myself to cast a vote for either one.